My bike was stolen and I got it back. You’d think a story like that would be evergreen, easily incorporated into any conversation. Turns out it’s not and I keep getting asked to “please stop.” So to be sure nothing is lost to the stifling and ungrateful, I will document exactly what happened. As

Sometimes (every night as I’m falling asleep) I think about what life would be like if I could sing. This fantasy contains a few key elements such as: becoming a bitch, putting up with both nothing and nobody ever, and burning most all of my bridges (friends and family, I don’t play favorites) to

I have become physically ailed and nobody cares: no thoughts, no prayers. After a bench press of nearly 10,000 pounds, a weight I can usually rep quite easily, I lacerated my tendons from my spinal column (I think). Now as I sit in this rigid state, with my back practically split in two, I

I recently went out to eat with a group of people (not bragging) and was the last person to get my food. This moment of solitude I experienced resulted in an outlook on life not unlike that of Thoreau after his two years in the wilderness, or Chris McCandless before he ate those berries. 

Dear Kickball Team Captain, Thank you for the opportunity to express my interest in becoming a member of the team. I must confess at the start that I am new to the world of kickball as I come from a background that does not accept it as a legitimate sport. For many years I