So let me start from scratch:

If I want to live a fulfilled life, how do I do it? Well, I know it doesn’t come from looking inward. My most fulfilling moments have always been in doing something with/for others. Laughing with my friends. Helping someone move. Hyping someone up. Admiring a friend’s creativity or accomplishments. Writing my old roommates a letter. So doing things “for” others. And I guess “for” is a loose term. When I write a blog post, it’s to express myself, but to whom am I expressing? To others. I guess it’s easier to describe what I don’t find fulfilling: meandering around my apartment, scrolling on my phone endlessly. Things that scratch an itch immediately, without the need to be mindful, and have no impact on anybody else. In other words, things that focus completely on the self, without consideration for the other.

Now, why is that? Why is it that when I “pursue the good of the other” I feel so good myself? And when I focus on myself I feel bad? Why does it feel baked into existence, like there’s a certain law of the universe that allows for good feelings when I do the right thing and bad when I do wrong?

It’s obvious with the big stuff. If I saved someone’s life, I would feel incredible. Why is that? Well for one, you would get a rush of adrenaline, but you get that when you ride a rollercoaster too, so there’s obviously something else at play. That “something else” must come from the act of selflessness. You did what you did for the benefit of someone else, at the expense of yourself. We know this to be “right”. So, it is obvious that doing what is “right” results in feeling fulfilled. That this sense of fulfillment could almost be considered a reward for doing what is right.

So, it would follow that whenever I do the “right” thing, no matter how small, it would result in this feeling of fulfillment.

The question remains: why do I feel good when I do good? No matter how big or small? Well, Christianity says doing the right thing is a sign of being one with God. The “godly” thing. More specifically, God is described as Love. So, when I love, I am doing what God is. Being “one with ‘Him’”. By loving, I am an extension of God, “bringing heaven to earth”.

This “good feeling” might be a sign that I am running on what I was designed to run on. That I’m in line with an intended design. I could try and achieve this “good feeling” by meandering around my apartment or scrolling on my phone, but none of these alternatives seem to measure up to that strange, positive feeling I get when I do something as simple as writing a letter to my old roommates.

This I find convincing of there being a natural law of the universe. And that this law is not indifferent, but promotes goodness and punishes badness. And that this law is not something humans came up with, because it is not convenient for humans. When I do the wrong thing, no matter how minuscule, I will know it is bad, and I know it’s bad not with thought alone, but with a feeling I get. A sensation beyond what’s rational.