Feeling like you have no passion in your life? Looking for a pass-time that gives you purpose? Consider participating in the enriching craft of Hobby Starting: the act of starting hobbies. I am currently beginning my 12th hobby just this year and am finally ready to share what I’ve learned in the process. Some may feel intimidated by such an impressive track record but rest assured that with enough practice, discipline, and refusal to internalize why you can never seem to stick to anything the minute it becomes even remotely challenging, anybody can become a hobby-starter like me.
Step 1:
See someone doing something impressive and convince yourself you can do it too because if that idiot managed then it should come easy.
Step 2:
Buy the necessary equipment the second you develop interest. If you wait more than 4 hours you may realize it’s a passing muse and not a new found passion. Be sure whatever hobby you engage in is expensive; ideally it requires rolling a shopping cart around to hold the many things you need to purchase. Avoid doing this step online because nobody would see you with expensive stuff looking interesting. This step makes up nearly 80% of the hobbies’ lifespan.
Step 3:
Tell everybody you know about it. Before you even start, find a way to force the hobby into conversation. There is no discussion that cannot be contorted to fixate on you and your love for film making, baking, or tapestry weaving. Refer to the hobby as a passion. Really sell it as more than a pass time but an integral part of who you are.
Step 4:
Give up. Turns out it wasn’t worth the time. Tell yourself it’s not that you have an inability to persevere, but it’s that indefinable quality within yourself that just wasn’t conducive with woodworking, claymation-based storytelling, or any other resource-heavy pass time you invested a considerable amount of money into.
Step 5:
Deny that you were ever really that interested to begin with and distance yourself from the whole idea. “I wasn’t making quilts seriously. More so as a way of making fun of people who do. I was being ironic.” Tell people you’ll take the marimba out this summer when you don’t have seasonal depression, and if it’s already summer say you’ll give it another shot when it’s cold and you have nothing better to do than sit inside all day and hit little planks of wood with mallets.
Step 6:
Start a new hobby.