This is my pitch for an app where you can book a baby for you and your friends to hangout with. Let me know if this is something that you would be interested in.
Are your friends nothing more than props for an Instagram story and people to stand in line with you at a concert? Is your group chat an endless carousel of memes and partiful invites? Are you looking for real meaning in your platonic relationships? Introducing Book a Baby™: the first ever baby delivery app.
Babies, as we all know, have been the go-to solution for failing romances for centuries. Our app begs the question: if it’s good enough for lovers, why not for those we simply endure?
Friendships, especially as adults, really boil down to event groups. A collection of people you drink with twice a week to bombard with inconsequential updates on your day-job and fleeting situationships. You snag a group pic, post it on Instagram, and pat yourself on the back for maintaining a relationship that requires zero upkeep and has not faced a hint of adversity.
Devoid of genuine purpose, adult friendships become nothing more than bar-hopping companions and superficial evidence for dating profiles to show we’re socially competent. It’s this dearth of meaning that has led so many of us to pursue DnD campaigns, paint and sip events, and even podcasting.
Everyone seeks deeper meaning in friendships. We want direction. And that’s where Book a Baby™ comes in. No longer will your weekend updates on Monday be filled with the mundane minutiae of parties and dinner dates. Wow your coworkers with tales of parenthood: diaper changes, feeding catastrophes, and riveting games of peek-a-boo!
Sourced from baskets flowing down rivers and that lady from 19 Kids and Counting, our babies are 4-16 months of age. This ensures the baby has the right amount of personality, without the risk of upstaging you in the friend group.
Unsure about the commitment? No need to fret. Let’s say you’re in the market for a quick, two-hour distraction as you meet family friends for coffee. No problem! Snag a tyke and bob it up and down on your knees the entire time; use the baby as a natural safety net from becoming engaged in whatever droning conversation they’re carrying on about. Whether it’s distraction from people, old movies your film friends pretend to like, or some bullshit little craft someone on pinterest came up with, Book a Baby™ gives yourself real, genuine purpose to satisfy your fleeting sense of responsibility.
Book a Baby™ combines the convenience of UberEats with the variety of an orphanage. Peruse our diverse selection of anklebiters and rugrats, then sit back and relax as we deliver one straight to your doorstep. Choose an infant that seamlessly aligns with your group’s aesthetic, be it boho, retro, or even goth! Have a group hang that transcends the memorial value of a dinner party or game night. Burp it. Play patty cake with it. Dress it up in funny costumes. It’s your baby. Raise it and give your friends the collective purpose they never asked for.
It’s time to Book a Baby™.
Is there a minimum and max of how many babies you could book ?
This made me genuinely depressed about adult friendships, but goth baby would help
Tim is stealing ideas from women
facts!!
Tim this is the plot of three men and baby,,,,,, look it up dawg