Whenever there’s a ruckus or problem that needs attending to, I get a giant broom and hit it like I do at the whack-a-mole. Until the problem is solved I don’t stop hitting with a big broom.
– Construction Worker/IT/HR
I little bread crumbs behind each member of this team so they can find their way back from wherever they go. Sure, it’s a lot of bread, and CEO requires focaccia (sheesh!) but as long as I have my tiny little hands and an epipen (I have a fatal gluten allergy) I can make sure everybody knows where they’ve been.
– CFO/Pledge of Allegiance Starter
I am lead technical engineer and have patented many different ideas such as a giant game of pool that you play like mini golf and also experimental cross breeding of animals (chicken and turkey, chicken and little critters, etc).
– Table Wiper, Translator (CFO speaks a made up language)
Listen, I’ll be frank. So what if I burn a few bridges? Nobody ever said being a smell consultant would be easy, and my complete inability to smell doesn’t make it any easier (I have covid). What I’ve learned throughout my practice is that people are too reliant on their olfactory sense to get a read on smells. Smell is a feeling, smell is a law of the universe, smell is something that the little devil and angel sitting on my shoulders bicker about when I lean over a fresh pie, a burning pile of shit, or whatever else the team asks me to identify. It might not be the quickest route to odor identification, but it’s spiritual. And in the holy realm (a realm of which I am a frequent visitor) that’s all that matters.
– COO / Golf Ball Diver / Smell Consultant
Last but not least, the one who makes it all happen. There’s not much I want to say, but there are a few things worth explaining in great detail. And that is, while this team does help with some odds and ends, they are not completely necessary. Expendable, to say the least. I keep them close at hand mostly in case I have to battle my contemporaries (facebook, google.com, and the likes). I can send the minions out to pillage and cut the hdmi cords or whatever those tech nerds rely on. We’re a family.
– CEO/Singer Songwriter/Certified Prankster